Hands
by Silvertine
Summary: An introspective Ken realizes who he really is... (song fic)


"Hands"  
By Digigirl  
  
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A/N: This is sad, really. It's a weird introspective song fic of sorts about Ken Ichijouji.  
Anyway. "Hands" is Jewel's beautiful song, and Dejimon is Bandai's, Toei's, and Saban's.  
  
---  
  
((if i could tell the world just one thing  
it would be that we're all ok  
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful  
and useless in times like these))   
  
As I look back on what I've become, I've finally come to understand a fact of life, that we all need to accept.  
Everything happens for a purpose, and no matter what we do - we cannot *change* that purpose. I see myself  
in a mirror, and even if I gaze at my reflection forever - willing it to change, willing my past away, willing  
that I can be normal - nothing will happen. I am Ken Ichijouji, former Digimon Kaizer, boy genius, and Chosen Child.  
And I will always be Ken Ichijouji.  
  
((i won't be made useless  
i won't be idle with despair  
I will gather myself around my faith  
for light does the darkness most fear))  
  
I remember a time after I'd reconciled with my past, when Hikari, Miyako, and I were trapped in mine and Hikari's  
darkness. I was so frightened, and I had no idea what to do. In essence, I was wandering around in a long tunnel with no  
end in sight. The walls were covered in the graffiti of my emotions, painted on thickly - slick, wet, and cold. I  
would cringe and pull away, longing to curl up and hide my face from the world.  
But in the end, Hikari and Miyako's hope shone through, and I understood that to beat the blackness of my heart, I had  
to allow light to pierce through. I had to trust in that light, and in only doing so would I be able to help my friends out.  
To take my role as a Chosen Child.  
  
((my hands are small, i know  
but they're not yours, they are my own  
but they're not yours, they are my own  
and i am never broken))  
  
Often I have looked out this window in my bedroom, staring down below as the world walks by. I see a frail, elderly woman  
now - she is walking with her head held high, alone, and I see pride in her eyes.  
I hope I carry that pride, sometimes. I hope that my eyes don't always give off a dull sadness - that of lost  
life. I have seen much suffering in my few short years, and so many people try to help me. But they don't understand. No, they  
don't understand. I may be weak-looking and my spirit may have stumbled, but it will get up again. I will embrace who I  
am supposed to be, without the aid of those who claim to be helping me. I will let the light cradle me, and I will be strong again.  
By myself.  
  
((poverty stole your golden shoes  
it didn't steal your laughter  
and heartache came to visit me  
but i knew it wasn't ever after))  
  
One day I was in the Digital World, walking through a forest. I was the Digimon Kaizer then, and as I walked along I saw  
a rustling in a bush. Bracing myself, I yelled, "Show yourself, scum!"  
A tiny violet Dejimon that looked somewhat like a guinea pig cowered before me, it's large dark eyes pleading for life.  
I took my staff and hit the creature hard.  
It died, it's blood pooling at my feet.  
And then I cried.  
I can recall this now, with much pain in my soul, but I know that I am different, now. I have become a good person. I have the  
Crest of Kindness, do I not? I may have been bad, but I wasn't robbed of my good spirit.  
I have my life. I have my hopes and dreams. They keep me going, I suppose. And my friends, too...  
I suppose.  
  
((we'll fight, not out of spite  
for someone must stand up for what's right  
'cause where there's a man who has no voice  
there ours shall go singing))  
  
I sit here at my desk, drawing on a little piece of paper. Releasing my tormented body through a soft-leaded pencil. As I work,  
I remember.  
The time I stood in a clearing atop a Tyrannomon, and the Chosen Children were fighting me. So selfless, they were. They knew they  
could die at my cruel hands, but they did it because the Dejimon needed freedom.  
I still find it hard to grasp that they could stand up for those defenseless creatures, they could risk their very lives  
for that little world that no one is really aware of.  
Selfless.  
  
((in the end only kindness matters  
in the end only kindness matters))  
  
When all is said and done, no matter what you do to redeem yourself, or try to make yourself powerful and wonderful- you will  
never become the person you are destined to be, unless you have a soul.   
I am lucky. I have found mine. It wasn't in a costume and a whip, it wasn't in schoolwork, it wasn't in trying to avenge my brother-  
it was in friendship. It was in love. It was in family, compassion, and my redemption.  
  
((my hands are small, i know  
but they're not yours, they are my own  
but they're not yours, they are my own  
and i am never broken))  
  
I have found myself, now.  
I am, and will always be, Ken Ichijouji. 


End file.
